Half moon feeling

 Hey, 

You don't often talk to me because you are afraid of what you may finally discover or you scared that the glass menagerie on the countertop will be shattered because you want a knock out match to finally understand it's time to let go. You have been constantly spilting between the here and now. Trying to accomodate everything aren't you ? 

 I have been patiently watching you experience sudden sadness in a moment when you are extremely happy. Like, when you were with your bestie Ash baking that cake pouring the mixture and turning casual banter into hilarious top offs, the flour all over the place and two flour hand-prints on the back of that sky blue hoodie that he adores and you were bursting into a laughter reaching into that 'omg you are so funny' embrace and then I saw the moment spilt. 

In that laughter a lingering sadness was rising in your chest. Also, in the soft spot where it's knocking for months to be let out. A flinching pain after a paper cut; so unexpected followed with sudden convulsions. I have seen you reach out for those duct tapes you use all the time often it makes your body grow tense but you laugh a little louder now with door sealed, it's easier this way? 

You wonder why can't happiness be complete? Why is it like crescent; half happiness and half sadness. I could hear the the questions echo into the empty chamber so I finally stepped in and a tear rolled down and you said it's the happy tear but I know even in the peals of laughter that surrounds you; even when you are hell bent to keep it together, I want to tell you about a phenomena called half moon feeling. When it occurs you know you will be fine because it's a feeling when your heart is breaking and healing all at once and it's in those in between moments that you grow up. 

With love,

Your better half,  

Your heart.