CHAPTER ONE
I could have described the moon to you
maybe about the twinkling stars too;maybe I could tell you how glorious you look
but how could i? in words so few?
so here I begin my story in words anew
where this poetry is spark; let my story ignite you..
You look the same..skinny ..you haven't changed really..?
"Yeah i haven't changed "i said smiling sweetly thinking quietly that some changes are not always external ,there are some things that change you internally.
Behind that facade of a big bright smile are hidden sorrows and wishes that noone can see.
I looked up in those eyes which always made me feel nervous ..
why ?i wondered , why had i always felt this before ,this uneasy feeling that stopped me from lookin into those eyes directly , was i scared that i might see something ?
I pretended like i always did ,to be calm and composed trying my best to settle my agitated nerves. It's human instinct to run when you see danger and I wanted to do just that ; some feelings and emotions have the power to hurt you in the most superficial way and as much as I hated the display of my emotions ; I equally despised the people who brought out these emotions in me so I looked around for an escape and abruptly made an excuse to join the other guests and scanned the thin crowd only to find my mom struggling under the weight of a box..i rushed to her
,"mom!" What are you trying to do?" I implored with a frown
"I m trying to move the boxes cant you see?" she asked me." Yes! i can see that but why do you hav to push around things when the guests are here"
Mom nodded her head and started muttering" nobody really cares about me !...all you can do is blame me..i am just trying to help"...."seriously! I thought, mother's have this annoying way of making you feel guilty and reason their way out ,
"Ok mom, I uttered just relax! Let me help ,you go and see if the guests are comfortable."
I looked at her as she paced around the house so helplessly;she was always like this?or had i started noticing things now? This nervousness.
"Do you need a hand" ? shit!! that voice is playing in my mind "get a grip on yourself Jen" i scolded myself as I turned to lift the box i looked up "ummm huh mm w..ell ".. I stammered ..skipping a beat as my gaze settled back again on his dark brown eyes..yeeaaah ?? Do you need help ?he asked again. oh yes! "offcourse" i said lowering my gaze. I could feel the heat of his presence but I knew if I let my mind do the thinking it will easily jump to conclusions so shoved my thoughts aside and decided to concentrate on my work. Yet I couldn't feel less thankful, so
as Neil lifted the heavy box , i whispered a soft thank you , he lifted an eyebrow quizzically ,"what?" i asked,
"where should i keep the box ?"oh,sorry ,"this way please"i said ,as i motioned him towards the store room."
I started talking fast to keep my nervousness at bay
"I shouldn't have allowed you to help ; not at this time that too but
My mom is always so particular about things,she always wants her house to be pristine a..and" ..."organised" Neil completed..i laughed lightly "yeah!"
I had started to notice things about my mother, my growing maturity and experience was gifting me observation and i couldn't help but notice things which otherwise my mind would underline subconsciously as not so important. I knew that her life had seen some worse phases that had created a mess like a broken mirror shattered to pieces, you could see only broken and abnormal reflections in the shards; these she was still trying to collect ..but some things just cant be the same ever i thought nomatter how much we will try to control the situation,some puzzles will remain unsolved or maybe they will take their own time to fall back in place.
"There you go",boomed Neil's voice in the tiny storeroom "I have kept the box back in place ..anything else ma'am ? he said with a twinkle in his eyes ..
I smiled and shook my head in a negative sign.Neil.... always free spirited and fun loving,my moms best friend's son, so that kinda made us good friends though we had met after almost four to five years so much had changed from then and now.Yet one thing hadn't changed the fact that he made me feel nervous and could bring back you are still a kiddo type of feeling ,that is probably because of our shared childhood I chided myself.
"Jenny!" ...my mom yelled .."I'm coming mom", i yelled back.
"You still got some power in your lungs " said Neil, "i thought you forgot how to talk ; So tell me where did you dump your socialising skills? " he teased ..I immediately went on to defend myself but stopped as the familiar jolt of pain brought me back to my senses.
I could have described the moon to you
maybe about the twinkling stars too;maybe I could tell you how glorious you look
but how could i? in words so few?
so here I begin my story in words anew
where this poetry is spark; let my story ignite you..
You look the same..skinny ..you haven't changed really..?
"Yeah i haven't changed "i said smiling sweetly thinking quietly that some changes are not always external ,there are some things that change you internally.
Behind that facade of a big bright smile are hidden sorrows and wishes that noone can see.
I looked up in those eyes which always made me feel nervous ..
why ?i wondered , why had i always felt this before ,this uneasy feeling that stopped me from lookin into those eyes directly , was i scared that i might see something ?
I pretended like i always did ,to be calm and composed trying my best to settle my agitated nerves. It's human instinct to run when you see danger and I wanted to do just that ; some feelings and emotions have the power to hurt you in the most superficial way and as much as I hated the display of my emotions ; I equally despised the people who brought out these emotions in me so I looked around for an escape and abruptly made an excuse to join the other guests and scanned the thin crowd only to find my mom struggling under the weight of a box..i rushed to her
,"mom!" What are you trying to do?" I implored with a frown
"I m trying to move the boxes cant you see?" she asked me." Yes! i can see that but why do you hav to push around things when the guests are here"
Mom nodded her head and started muttering" nobody really cares about me !...all you can do is blame me..i am just trying to help"...."seriously! I thought, mother's have this annoying way of making you feel guilty and reason their way out ,
"Ok mom, I uttered just relax! Let me help ,you go and see if the guests are comfortable."
I looked at her as she paced around the house so helplessly;she was always like this?or had i started noticing things now? This nervousness.
"Do you need a hand" ? shit!! that voice is playing in my mind "get a grip on yourself Jen" i scolded myself as I turned to lift the box i looked up "ummm huh mm w..ell ".. I stammered ..skipping a beat as my gaze settled back again on his dark brown eyes..yeeaaah ?? Do you need help ?he asked again. oh yes! "offcourse" i said lowering my gaze. I could feel the heat of his presence but I knew if I let my mind do the thinking it will easily jump to conclusions so shoved my thoughts aside and decided to concentrate on my work. Yet I couldn't feel less thankful, so
as Neil lifted the heavy box , i whispered a soft thank you , he lifted an eyebrow quizzically ,"what?" i asked,
"where should i keep the box ?"oh,sorry ,"this way please"i said ,as i motioned him towards the store room."
I started talking fast to keep my nervousness at bay
"I shouldn't have allowed you to help ; not at this time that too but
My mom is always so particular about things,she always wants her house to be pristine a..and" ..."organised" Neil completed..i laughed lightly "yeah!"
I had started to notice things about my mother, my growing maturity and experience was gifting me observation and i couldn't help but notice things which otherwise my mind would underline subconsciously as not so important. I knew that her life had seen some worse phases that had created a mess like a broken mirror shattered to pieces, you could see only broken and abnormal reflections in the shards; these she was still trying to collect ..but some things just cant be the same ever i thought nomatter how much we will try to control the situation,some puzzles will remain unsolved or maybe they will take their own time to fall back in place.
"There you go",boomed Neil's voice in the tiny storeroom "I have kept the box back in place ..anything else ma'am ? he said with a twinkle in his eyes ..
I smiled and shook my head in a negative sign.Neil.... always free spirited and fun loving,my moms best friend's son, so that kinda made us good friends though we had met after almost four to five years so much had changed from then and now.Yet one thing hadn't changed the fact that he made me feel nervous and could bring back you are still a kiddo type of feeling ,that is probably because of our shared childhood I chided myself.
"Jenny!" ...my mom yelled .."I'm coming mom", i yelled back.
"You still got some power in your lungs " said Neil, "i thought you forgot how to talk ; So tell me where did you dump your socialising skills? " he teased ..I immediately went on to defend myself but stopped as the familiar jolt of pain brought me back to my senses.
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